Happy Easter!

Holy crap did I eat a pile of food last night or WHAT??

We were invited to a friends house last night for a Easter BBQ and man was is ever good.  Salads, the fat kind that I love, pasta, greek, etc. steak, mushrooms and onions and the deadly little sodium bombs called weiners…. it was all there, along with a brownie cheesecake for desert…

And I had everything!

It was sooooo good…. I woke up this morning 5 pounds heavier than I was yesterday morning…. gotta love sodium lol…

A couple of hours later, a 10.5k run and 10 gallons of water I am at where I was yesterday morning…

Then the Easter bunny hit…

No big damage, just some dark chocolate mini eggs…

That’s it now, Easter binge is done and done….

Heading to St. John’s shortly for the night, hope to get a run in on one of my old favorite trails, might happen, might not…  I have no idea what the snow on the ground situation is in there this weekend.

Oh, got my bench and weights today as well.  About 40 years old but solid, and hey, it’s functional and it opens up a new avenue of exercise for me.  I look forward to a good chest workout.  I also have a couple of those stability balls and have been looking at ways to sue them as well.

Just three months to the race….  gah….

Here’s a little something to help make me feel more positive about the distance I have come, here are the boys and I wearing a shirt I had to stop wearing because it was too small…

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Use it or lose it

So true…

It’s been well documented here that I had been sick, and as a result, I wasn’t running….

The weather of late has also played a factor….

So, in reviewing my logs I see it’s been 13 days since I have done ANY running.  Walking yes, running, no, not since my last 10k timed jog back on March 17th.

Folks, I’m here to tell you that it don’t get easier after a long break.  I struggled this morning with a simple 2.5k jog.  Legs hurt, lungs burned, couldn’t find any rhythm …. just flat out sucked….

I did manage to fight my way through to a sub 6 minute k…. and another at just over, but not with any sense of progress, it was more a sense of going to war.

I have a longer run planned for tomorrow morning, hoping this one will be better….

Stay tuned….

Stinking Weather

Just a very quick post…

Was SUPPOSED to run a 16k today, had two rest days leading up to it and had a nice big meal last night to be fueled for it.

And mother nature decided to weather bomb us…

10-15 cms of snow, which isn’t the end of the world alone, but was they came with high HIGH winds, and that was the killer… I haven’t been able to get it done… sigh….

So, postponed till tomorrow, if it improves, though the latest weather models are really no better.

I am picking  up a weight set this evening though, so I will at least get a work out in.  I’ll be back a little later to talk about that!

That’s about it for now, short and sweet

Slow and steady

That’s the key for me at least.

I wanted to make a post about how this time around was different for me from the other times I have lost weight, and I’ve been thinking about that every day it seems, why this time it just feels, I don’t know, like it’s a done deal.

Forgive me if this meanders a bit, because I know where I want to go with this, but not quite sure how I am going to get there yet lol.

So, I lost a TON of weight before, A TON…

I also took that loss and turned it into something more, a total physical transformation… here, check this out….

Pretty drastic, I was about 310 in the first picture, about 190 in the second, and 210 in the third.  Yup, that’s me in the third pic.  It’s also the same shirt, I just fill it differently.  So that’s where I was in 2004.  I was planning to enter a bodybuilding competition among other things… here’s a pic of me getting some more mass on for that.

So, what happened?  Well several things and I’ll get into them in a sec.  The one thing I do want to talk about is the illusion of health.  Ok, I was obviously healthier than I was in that very first pic.  The weight loss alone would make me healthier.  Here’s the thing though… I wasn’t living FIT.  I was eating massive amounts of calories.  It was good food, just MASSIVE amounts, I was over 3500 calories a day. I was also slinging iron in a gym every single day.  And here’s the amazing thing, I was smoking a pack, pack and a half a day that whole time…..

Think about that…..  A PACK AND A HALF….

Look, here’s what I feel about the above pictures.  I am amazed I looked like that at ANY point, it was an accomplishment to transform my self like that.  I realize that not everybody could do it, and I acknowledge the effort it took to get there….

But….

It was a lie…  an illusion…. it was smoke and mirrors…..

It was all about the outside, and very little to do with the inside.  It was vanity, it was desperation.  It was doing what I had to do to make myself over into a package I felt would get me what I was missing.  That folks was love.  I was desperately lonely at that time of my life, just turned 30, no prospects, no sex, no company… nothing.  I had an unhealthy off and on again infatuation with one girl, it was misplaced and just destructive to us both.  So, I decided, I would tear it all down and rebuild.

How shallow of me, how misguided….

Yes I got more interest from woman when I did what I did, I thought I fell in love, even traveled across Canada to meet her, thinking this was it.  It wasn’t.  It started to dawn on me that it didn’t really matter WHAT the package looked like, it was more about what was inside that package that mattered.

Wouldn’t you know it, once I dropped that idea that I had to LOOK like a model, at least in body, once I started to ease up, become less hardcore about everything, I met the woman I know call my wife??  The love I was always looking for, I found it. She didn’t care, she loved me from the inside out, not the other way around.

Sadly, that unconditional love led me down the wrong path.  I quickly started to put the weight back on.  It PILED on actually.  Then, my mother was killed in a car accident, I turned to food again….  Then, our oldest son was diagnosed with Autism… I turned to food again…. Then, my work became depressing, I turned to food again….  I had quit smoking, but everything that was happening, I took it up again…. I was, in short…. returning to where I had been before… only worse…

In no time I was above the weight I was when I first made the choice to lose….

I was…. well….  a mess…. I was….  well…. here….

330+ lbs of stress, depression and bad health.  My wife is hot though hey???  She was there and still is… she is also my rock in all of this…. god love her, I know I do.

So, what was the trigger this time?  What made me say enough is enough???

Funny story that.

I stepped on a nail…

Yup, I stepped on a nail and it changed my life… again….

I thought I had an infection happening from the nail I stepped on.  It was red enough and tender enough that my wife convinced me to go to emergency and have a look at it.  When I got to emergency they did the standard medical history and vitals etc.  When the nurse put the blood pressure cuff on and took that reading her eyebrows went way up on her forehead.  I asked her what was wrong, she said one second, lets get a read from your other arm.  Which she did, and again, the eyebrows went up.

214/123

214/123!!!!

My weight?  Over 330lbs…..

The attending Doctor said I was a flight of stairs away from a massive stroke…

Things had to change, and they did.  I quit the smokes, I tried to start and eat better and I tried to be more active.  It worked for a while, but the motivation was still missing, and all the stresses of work etc. were still there.  I slid back into the bad habits, and while I know I dropped 30-40 lbs in the 6 months or so I was trying, it started to pack on again.  There was so many things going on.  We were in financial difficulties, there were a lot of stresses at work, it was just a very hard time in our lives, if it weren’t for a strong relationship in our family, I don’t know what would have happened to us.

Things were bleak, I’ll be honest, it was very bleak.

Then another opportunity came up.

A contest based on the Biggest Loser was announced.  A local Boot Camp/Fitness company was holding their second ” Newfoundlands Biggest Loser Competition”.  I applied and was THRILLED to be accepted as one of the contestants.  I felt, this was the kick in the ass I need.  I thought I did better with a competition, with something to gauge myself against, I thought this would be the answer to a big chunk of my issues.

It was, in many ways.  I did well, I lost 40+ lbs.  I didn’t win, I didn’t even place top 4, even though I had the second greatest weight loss.  In truth, and this post is all about truth, the competition likely did more harm to me, at least mentally and spiritually, if there is such a thing.  I was injured 2 weeks in.  I was injured because I couldn’t afford to buy new runners.  We were told to buy new ones., but I didn’t have the money.  That was the first indication to me that this competition would NOT be fair.  For some of the competitors it meant nothing to drop 100+ bucks on a new pair of runners, for others of us it was impossible, so I ran in my Walmart 20 buck runners and tore the tissues in my knees and developed foot issues.  The organizers kicked one of my better friends out of the competition for speaking out about what they felt was a stupid decision by the organizers, the guy who won, and I am not taking ONE thing away from him, he lost a ton of weight and became an athlete, but that guy, he STARTED he competition at around the same weight I am now.  He, and the top three finalists, were given an advanced boot camp session for the last three weeks of the contest, while the remainder of us were left doing what we had been doing.  It was that decision to break us up, to offer advanced training to some of us, that outraged my friend, it was his voicing of his outrage that led to him being kicked out.

Turned out the outrage was well place, the three winners, were, you guessed it, the three who went to the advanced.  That’s not a knock on them in any way shape or form, they worked their ASSES off, both literally and figuratively, to get to where they were.  This wasn’t on them, it was on the organizers.  I felt then, and I feel now, that they failed us, well, some of us.  It left me really bitter about the whole thing.  Rightly or wrongly, I still feel bitter about it, I just don’t let it get to me anymore.

Since that time I have had some successes, some setbacks…

I got a new job, I moved, I got promotions.  We became more financially stable and truth be told, I grew a little more patient, a little wiser perhaps.  I began to realize that the only person I was competing with was, well, me…

In June of 2012 I just woke up one morning knowing that if I was to change, and change long term, the truth was, I would just need to change a little.

Yup, to change a lot over time, I just needed to change a little over time…

What??  Does that even make sense??

Yup, BIG sense…

Look, I still eat everything I love.  Pizza?  You betcha!!  Burgers??  Damn skippy, love em, smothered in onions and mushrooms and cheese, how friggin good is it!  Fried chicken, oh how I love, and oh how I still eat it….

I don’t eat any of it from a fast food joint though….  I make it all myself….

A small change… a big result….

I run…. I don’t run far…. yet….. I don’t run fast…. yet…

But each time I go out there, I run a little further, a little faster….

Small changes….. big results…

I don’t look for big numbers on the scale any more, not day to day, not week to week, I look for small numbers, small changes, that over time add up to BIG changes, BIG numbers….

It’s not about a prize at the end anymore, it’s not about winning anything right now, it’s about winning every day.

It’s about being slow and steady….

It’s about loving the life I live right now, it’s about loving my family, loving my job and loving myself.

It’s about the inside out, NOT the outside in….

Wow, long post, bit of a babble and a ramble, but I feel better now that it’s out.

I just wish this damn cold would go away so I could go for a run!  I need me one of those in a bad bad way!

On the mend

Mostly…. I am stilling feeling the effects of a nasty little head cold, the worst kind of congestion in the world.  I felt well enough this evening to attempt a walk and enjoyed a very brisk 6k jaunt.  Running was 100% completely out of the question though, na ah, no way…

I did get to take the new ASICS out for a stroll though and they felt good.  A little binding at the toe bend for the first one or two kilometers but just fine after that.  As a matter of fact, towards the end of the walk I was really noticing how good my feet felt.  Looking forward to an actual run in them sometime this week.  The idea right now is to run a 10 mile on Good Friday.  This will depend on how much more cold like symptoms I have that morning.  Running produces enough snot and coughs as it is, let alone with the help of a virus…. eewwwww

I am hopeful that I will get a run in, if not the 10 mile, than at least a 10k…

So hey…. last night I posted about my weight loss.  I also posted it on my Facebook group and a member asked me if I had any measurements beyond weight from where I was, to where I am now…

Well howdy, I just so happen to have some from when I was about 310….

Row one, 310, Row two, 209, Row three…. the diff…

Chest – 55.5                 44                 (-11.5 inches)
Abdomen –56                39                (-17 inches)
Hips – 53                       39                (-14 inches)
Thigh – 32                     24                (-8 inches)
Calf – 18                        16.5             (-1.5 inch)
Bicep – 18                     13.5              ( –4.5 inch)

Total inches from key spots 56,5 lost, to put into perspective, that’s 4 feet 7 inches…

So, I have lost a complete human, early teens maybe, 4’7″ – 121 lbs…..

A COMPLETE HUMAN!!!!!

I did expect my waist to be smaller….  not that losing almost a foot and a half from your girth is chickenfeed…. lol…

I mentioned in another blog post that a good friend of mine was on his own weight loss journey and went public in a big way.  One of the way’s he is staying accountable is through a blog, here’s his post from today….

Diary of a Fat Guy

Boy can I relate to the cravings…. here, in it’s entirety, is a post I made about Food Addiction when I was at right around the same place he is now, just starting, feeling good, but starting to feel the old wants exert themselves….

So here’s the question, how does a guy get to 330 lbs in the first place?  Then how does that same guy lose 130 lbs and get down to 180lbs only to find himself close to 330 again?  Then how does that same guy get down to 240 only to find himself back to about 290 in less than 6 months?  How does that happen?  
It’s an addiction…..
I am addicted to food. As surely as a person can be addicted to anything I am addicted to food. I know, I am speaking from experience as a person addicted to nicotine. The reaction is exactly the same. Now many people who poo poo about the notion of food addiction, well, bully for you, it must be nice to have that luxury. I appreciate your point of view, I note it, and I know you are entitled to it. I don’t share the same views, we’ll leave it at that and move on shall we?
The difference, and it’s a huge one, is how addictions are treated. The ultimate goal for addictions is total abstinence from the substance, behavior or otherwise to which you are addicted. It can’t be that way with food. You HAVE to eat, you have to be exposed to your addiction on a daily basis, you have to be around it, watch other people consume it, watch endless commercials about it… it’s everywhere because it MUST be.
Can you imagine the success rate of an alcoholic who was told that you must consume 6 beers a day? Or a smoker who could never have any less than 6 smokes a day? Or a heroin addict who must shoot up everyday? Just to live? Just to exist?
Thats the dilemma that a food addict faces…
You have to adjust, wean back, substitute the bad for good, but the chemical reward, the rush of eating, the joy of chewing, the feeling of something sliding into your belly, all the old markers that released all those happy and content feelings, they are there ALL the time. And like any addiction, you get a taste, you get that rush and you want more and more.
It’s a real struggle, it’s hard to do, it’s the hardest thing in the world to reconcile. Also, like any addiction, the possibility of lapse is very real, only more so because of the things I discussed above.
I will do it, because I have to in order to live, I just want people to know that it’s not easy, it’s a war….
I hope you read this Mike and it helps you out a little, at least, to let you know you are not alone in this….
That’s all for this evening folks…. off for some much needed shut eye!

Been sick

Been sick, very sick in degrees….  I am well enough to work, kind of, but not well enough to go running…. which SUCKS cause I have my smokiin’ new runners to take out on the road… grrr….

Not going to post much right now with the exception of a little about what I saw on the scales this morning….

209.9….

That’s 73.1 lbs since June

That’s about 120 from my heaviest….

Thanks a 10 lb bag of spuds away from under 200…

Shut UP!!!!