Back

I think this is the time that the prodigal son returns, with his head hung low, begging to be forgiven.

Well, no, not that bad but close.

I have slipped, I have started new blogs, new trackers, new challenges, new everything.  All these new things resulted in one thing and one thing only, a return to the old.

The old habits, the old food, the old laziness, the old excuses.

So, what happened?

Well, winter, the longest, coldest and snowiest in recent memory.

Health, hyper tension and osteoarthritis in right leg, that happened.

Work work and more work, that also happened.

I also think the inevitable let down, or what ever you want to call it, of achieving what I though was an impossible goal, running the Tely10 road race, led to a collapse, or at least a sense of complacency.

The result?

An inability to run a 5 k under 40 minutes.

A gain of about 20lbs.

A sense of failure or backsliding.

Also, clothes not fitting, a general feeling of being a “flash in the pan”.

Hopefully friends that is over now.

In the past week I have dropped 7lbs, got my 5k from 43 BLAH to 37 and feel reinvigorated.

Couple that with the fact that the Tely10 is just 2 months away and changes are needed.

So I return here, the blog that got me to my biggest challenge.

Why return?  Well, in discussion with my wife, I have always done best when accountable and this blog keeps me that way.  I am confident it will help me again.

So, please, join me once again would you as we right this boat and get back on track?

The countdown clock ticks once again.

Where you been?

Around, I’ve been around… and doing pretty well thank you.

Hit a little snag with my running though, been suffering through some back issues. Still been able to walk no problem, but running, even short distances, has been a bit of a problem.  Hoping it rectifies itself soon.  I am doing this race even if I have to crawl it lol.  The back issue isn’t major, it’s just a nerve bundle thing happening under my left shoulder blade.  I used to get them a lot.

My eating is slipping.  Not badly, but enough, eating more than I should and allowing more stuff like icecream etc. to sneak it’s way in.  So far it hasn’t resulted in bad news, but it could, so I am trying very very hard to reign that back in.

One more week and we are all off on a family vacation.  Likely won’t get a chance for a big blog on that, but we’ll try…

Here’s some pictures from the last week, to show were I have been and what I have been doing.

 

Mmmm mmmmm losters

Also, got this AWESOME badge on Loseit today!

Road Trip Armageddon

Back from my training…

Brought 4 lbs back with me lol…

Meh, wasn’t that bad 😉

That’s 4 lbs up tonight, at the end of the day, as opposed to the early morning weight I am basing it against, we’ll see where we REALLY are in the morning.

The training I took part in, the first part of 6 sessions spanning a year, was very good.  It was about mentoring, and individual development and improvement.  What was VERY nice for me was the way it paralleled the weight loss/fitness journey I am on.  About identifying needs, formulating plans, adjusting as needed and reviewing often,  Very cool stuff!

It was also nice in that my family got to visit me while I was in there…  here’s a couple of good pics of my boys…

GabedonutDamdonut

Road trip completed

Since Sunday I have now driven over 20 hours……

Madness…

Just wanted to do a quick update.

Weekend bunny weight, still there…. bothersome…

Small walk yesterday only, too damn tired from driving etc.

Was late home tonight, once I had supper, played with kiddos, palavered with wife I was pretty wiped, coupled with the long drives and the face I need to be up at 5 am for work once again, I didn’t get out for a much needed run.

I did however get a good 30-40 minute chest and bicep workout in on my smokin’ new (old) weight set.  I don’t have a ton of weight, but I’m not concerned about that, all high rep lower weight stuff for now for this puppy.  I was very happy to lift… I still wish I had a gym to go to, I love the atmosphere, but this will do nicely for now.

So, should get home on time tomorrow and I plan to do at least 10k… and get this damn bunny delivered weight moving off….

That’s it for now, short and sweet…

Have a good one folks!

Slow and steady

That’s the key for me at least.

I wanted to make a post about how this time around was different for me from the other times I have lost weight, and I’ve been thinking about that every day it seems, why this time it just feels, I don’t know, like it’s a done deal.

Forgive me if this meanders a bit, because I know where I want to go with this, but not quite sure how I am going to get there yet lol.

So, I lost a TON of weight before, A TON…

I also took that loss and turned it into something more, a total physical transformation… here, check this out….

Pretty drastic, I was about 310 in the first picture, about 190 in the second, and 210 in the third.  Yup, that’s me in the third pic.  It’s also the same shirt, I just fill it differently.  So that’s where I was in 2004.  I was planning to enter a bodybuilding competition among other things… here’s a pic of me getting some more mass on for that.

So, what happened?  Well several things and I’ll get into them in a sec.  The one thing I do want to talk about is the illusion of health.  Ok, I was obviously healthier than I was in that very first pic.  The weight loss alone would make me healthier.  Here’s the thing though… I wasn’t living FIT.  I was eating massive amounts of calories.  It was good food, just MASSIVE amounts, I was over 3500 calories a day. I was also slinging iron in a gym every single day.  And here’s the amazing thing, I was smoking a pack, pack and a half a day that whole time…..

Think about that…..  A PACK AND A HALF….

Look, here’s what I feel about the above pictures.  I am amazed I looked like that at ANY point, it was an accomplishment to transform my self like that.  I realize that not everybody could do it, and I acknowledge the effort it took to get there….

But….

It was a lie…  an illusion…. it was smoke and mirrors…..

It was all about the outside, and very little to do with the inside.  It was vanity, it was desperation.  It was doing what I had to do to make myself over into a package I felt would get me what I was missing.  That folks was love.  I was desperately lonely at that time of my life, just turned 30, no prospects, no sex, no company… nothing.  I had an unhealthy off and on again infatuation with one girl, it was misplaced and just destructive to us both.  So, I decided, I would tear it all down and rebuild.

How shallow of me, how misguided….

Yes I got more interest from woman when I did what I did, I thought I fell in love, even traveled across Canada to meet her, thinking this was it.  It wasn’t.  It started to dawn on me that it didn’t really matter WHAT the package looked like, it was more about what was inside that package that mattered.

Wouldn’t you know it, once I dropped that idea that I had to LOOK like a model, at least in body, once I started to ease up, become less hardcore about everything, I met the woman I know call my wife??  The love I was always looking for, I found it. She didn’t care, she loved me from the inside out, not the other way around.

Sadly, that unconditional love led me down the wrong path.  I quickly started to put the weight back on.  It PILED on actually.  Then, my mother was killed in a car accident, I turned to food again….  Then, our oldest son was diagnosed with Autism… I turned to food again…. Then, my work became depressing, I turned to food again….  I had quit smoking, but everything that was happening, I took it up again…. I was, in short…. returning to where I had been before… only worse…

In no time I was above the weight I was when I first made the choice to lose….

I was…. well….  a mess…. I was….  well…. here….

330+ lbs of stress, depression and bad health.  My wife is hot though hey???  She was there and still is… she is also my rock in all of this…. god love her, I know I do.

So, what was the trigger this time?  What made me say enough is enough???

Funny story that.

I stepped on a nail…

Yup, I stepped on a nail and it changed my life… again….

I thought I had an infection happening from the nail I stepped on.  It was red enough and tender enough that my wife convinced me to go to emergency and have a look at it.  When I got to emergency they did the standard medical history and vitals etc.  When the nurse put the blood pressure cuff on and took that reading her eyebrows went way up on her forehead.  I asked her what was wrong, she said one second, lets get a read from your other arm.  Which she did, and again, the eyebrows went up.

214/123

214/123!!!!

My weight?  Over 330lbs…..

The attending Doctor said I was a flight of stairs away from a massive stroke…

Things had to change, and they did.  I quit the smokes, I tried to start and eat better and I tried to be more active.  It worked for a while, but the motivation was still missing, and all the stresses of work etc. were still there.  I slid back into the bad habits, and while I know I dropped 30-40 lbs in the 6 months or so I was trying, it started to pack on again.  There was so many things going on.  We were in financial difficulties, there were a lot of stresses at work, it was just a very hard time in our lives, if it weren’t for a strong relationship in our family, I don’t know what would have happened to us.

Things were bleak, I’ll be honest, it was very bleak.

Then another opportunity came up.

A contest based on the Biggest Loser was announced.  A local Boot Camp/Fitness company was holding their second ” Newfoundlands Biggest Loser Competition”.  I applied and was THRILLED to be accepted as one of the contestants.  I felt, this was the kick in the ass I need.  I thought I did better with a competition, with something to gauge myself against, I thought this would be the answer to a big chunk of my issues.

It was, in many ways.  I did well, I lost 40+ lbs.  I didn’t win, I didn’t even place top 4, even though I had the second greatest weight loss.  In truth, and this post is all about truth, the competition likely did more harm to me, at least mentally and spiritually, if there is such a thing.  I was injured 2 weeks in.  I was injured because I couldn’t afford to buy new runners.  We were told to buy new ones., but I didn’t have the money.  That was the first indication to me that this competition would NOT be fair.  For some of the competitors it meant nothing to drop 100+ bucks on a new pair of runners, for others of us it was impossible, so I ran in my Walmart 20 buck runners and tore the tissues in my knees and developed foot issues.  The organizers kicked one of my better friends out of the competition for speaking out about what they felt was a stupid decision by the organizers, the guy who won, and I am not taking ONE thing away from him, he lost a ton of weight and became an athlete, but that guy, he STARTED he competition at around the same weight I am now.  He, and the top three finalists, were given an advanced boot camp session for the last three weeks of the contest, while the remainder of us were left doing what we had been doing.  It was that decision to break us up, to offer advanced training to some of us, that outraged my friend, it was his voicing of his outrage that led to him being kicked out.

Turned out the outrage was well place, the three winners, were, you guessed it, the three who went to the advanced.  That’s not a knock on them in any way shape or form, they worked their ASSES off, both literally and figuratively, to get to where they were.  This wasn’t on them, it was on the organizers.  I felt then, and I feel now, that they failed us, well, some of us.  It left me really bitter about the whole thing.  Rightly or wrongly, I still feel bitter about it, I just don’t let it get to me anymore.

Since that time I have had some successes, some setbacks…

I got a new job, I moved, I got promotions.  We became more financially stable and truth be told, I grew a little more patient, a little wiser perhaps.  I began to realize that the only person I was competing with was, well, me…

In June of 2012 I just woke up one morning knowing that if I was to change, and change long term, the truth was, I would just need to change a little.

Yup, to change a lot over time, I just needed to change a little over time…

What??  Does that even make sense??

Yup, BIG sense…

Look, I still eat everything I love.  Pizza?  You betcha!!  Burgers??  Damn skippy, love em, smothered in onions and mushrooms and cheese, how friggin good is it!  Fried chicken, oh how I love, and oh how I still eat it….

I don’t eat any of it from a fast food joint though….  I make it all myself….

A small change… a big result….

I run…. I don’t run far…. yet….. I don’t run fast…. yet…

But each time I go out there, I run a little further, a little faster….

Small changes….. big results…

I don’t look for big numbers on the scale any more, not day to day, not week to week, I look for small numbers, small changes, that over time add up to BIG changes, BIG numbers….

It’s not about a prize at the end anymore, it’s not about winning anything right now, it’s about winning every day.

It’s about being slow and steady….

It’s about loving the life I live right now, it’s about loving my family, loving my job and loving myself.

It’s about the inside out, NOT the outside in….

Wow, long post, bit of a babble and a ramble, but I feel better now that it’s out.

I just wish this damn cold would go away so I could go for a run!  I need me one of those in a bad bad way!